This, then, is the fruit of my confessions (not of what I was, but of what I am), that I may not confess this before thee alone, in a secret exultation with trembling and a secret sorrow with hope, but also in the ears of the believing sons of men–who are the companions of my joy and sharers of my mortality, my fellow citizens and fellow pilgrims–those who have gone before and those who are to follow after, as well as the comrades of my present way.
– The Confessions of Saint Augustine
In this, my very first blog post ever, I feel like I have so much I want to say. A lifetime’s worth of experiences, thoughts, and feelings regarding faith and sexuality that have largely been left unsaid. But all in due course. Instead, let me convey what I hope this blog will be about.
I am an evangelical Christian man with same sex sexual attractions who believes that God calls His people to experience sexual intimacy only in the context of a heterosexual marriage. I have sought to live faithfully to this conviction, which has meant forgoing marital relations. While the pursuit of chaste living is a struggle in itself, this pursuit has been made more difficult by the silence and scorn of the evangelical Church of which I am a part. The church cannot fulfill its role to be an instrument of Christ’s grace for its homosexual and bisexual members unless the church brings to light and destigmatizes this very real issue. My prayer is that this new blog will be a drop in a stream of open conversation about homosexuality that will make the church more true to its Christ-given mission. My hope is that my fellow brothers and sisters in Christ with same sex sexual attractions who struggle in silence will be encouraged and emboldened.
A few words on the title of this blog, Confessions of a Gay Evangelical Christian. “Christian” is the single term that I identify with. By it, I mean a person who has put their hope and trust solely in Jesus for their salvation, a person who has been called by God to be a child of God through Jesus His only begotten Son. While the term “evangelical” can have many different connotations, including theological, social, and political, I use it in a particular way, namely a segment of the Protestant church that believes in the orthodox doctrines of the church including inerrancy and authority of scripture, original sin and brokenness in today’s world, and salvation through the historic Jesus alone. I disavow any social and political implications of this term. The word “gay” can be controversial within the evangelical church, and I hesitated using it. By “gay”, I only mean having sexual attractions toward the same sex. As used in the title, it does not connote any behavior or social/political association. I’ll address this issue more in a future post. Finally, I use the term “confessions” in its two recognized meanings. The first definition is “a formal admission of one’s sins with repentance and desire of absolution“. Same sex sexual attraction is an area of my life fraught with sin and temptations to sin, and I look to share my struggles and the absolution I have received. The second definition is “a statement setting out essential religious doctrine”. Same sex sexual attraction has generated much theological controversy, and sorting through some of these will be an important part of this blog.
Here starts the journey. A journey of truth. A journey of hope. A journey of redemption. To God be the glory.